- J.D.

Dear J.D.:

This topic is a hot one that won’t go away.

First, a bit of history. Social Security was created by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1935 as a social insurance program for workers at age 65.

It is the nation’s social contract and was originally created to provide at least a subsistence income to the most vulnerable of citizens. Social Security was never intended to replace all earned income or fully support an individual in retirement.

Yet today it provides the majority of income for more than half of retirees. For about a quarter or even a third, it provides nearly all of their income. And for 15 percent of beneficiaries, Social Security is their sole source.

The benefits are rather modest. The average monthly Social Security benefit for a retired worker was about $1,230 at the beginning of 2012, or a little over $14,500 a year.

Its future has been disputed for decades with the big question unanswered: How will demographics shape its finances?

Social Security is funded by payroll taxes – an equal amount paid by employer and employee. According to some analysts, the problem is there are too few people contributing to Social Security to support a growing retiree

population.
Today there are 2.8 workers for each beneficiary, a ratio of 2.8 to 1. That’s a big change from 1950 when the ratio was 16.5 to 1. In 1960 the ratio fell to 5 to 1. By 2033, it is predicted there will be 2.1 workers for each beneficiary, a ratio of 2 to 1.

Contrary to public perception, Social Security is not broke. When payroll taxes were increased, Social Security accrued a surplus. In fact, the accumulated surplus is projected to rise and continue to do so until 2025, according to U.S. News & World Report (May 7, 2011). Note that the surplus is not gold sitting in a vault. It’s in the form of U.S. Treasury Securities. The surplus was spent a long time ago to fund government operations. Social Security has an IOU in the vault.

Around 2037, it is predicted, the surplus will be gone because of the large number of retiring baby boomers and smaller number of workers paying payroll taxes.

After 2037, the trust fund will be able to pay about 75 percent of its benefits using its annual tax revenue, since the surplus will be exhausted. That percentage may change depending on fertility and mortality rates and levels of immigration.

The impending bad news is that funds for the Disability Insurance part of Social Security will be gone in just four years according to the 2012 Annual Report of the Social Security and Medicare Boards of Trustees.

From a federal perspective, we do have a big problem. Social Security and Medicare are the two largest federal programs, accounting for 36 percent of federal expenditures. Social Security comprises more than 20 percent. These ongoing and growing expenses are deemed unsustainable. Congress continues in its attempt to rectify this problem.

So J.D., to your question: Will Social Security be there for me?

Social Security should be able to meet its commitments for another 25 years. That would take you to age 80. After that you might receive 75 percent of what was promised. Based on about $14,500 a year, that’s almost $11,000 annually.

Key questions for you:

What are your needs and what are your other sources of retirement income? Also, there is talk of raising the retirement age to collect full benefits. How will that affect your planning?

Let’s assume Social Security will be there for you. However, I am not sure about its longer-term viability to make good on all of its promises without some policy changes.

Financial planning is extremely important. Consider consulting with a financial planner to create a plan or review what you already have done. Knowing what you can depend on for income is certainly a first step.

J.D., thank you for your good question. I know it is on the minds of many.

Copyright 2011 Helen Dennis. All rights reserved.

- M.C.

Dear M.C.:

Loneliness after losing a spouse is real. Your father may dread being alone and yearns not only for your mother, but for company.

The loss is great – as is the adjustment.

The knee-jerk reaction is to quickly find someone to ease the loneliness. His desire to fill the void may be clouding his judgment. And women have changed. Some are not eager to enter into a committed relationship as they discover a new sense of freedom, particularly if they have been caring for a sick spouse for many years.

Abel Keogh, author of “Marrying a Widower” (Ben Lomond Press, 2012) suggests some dating tips for widows and widowers that might be helpful in a conversation with your father.

Date for the right reason. It is not wrong to date for the company or to combat loneliness. However, dating to heal the pain or fill the void – well that just won’t happen.

Dating to have a new experience and being open to fall in love again – that’s more of a reality.
Guilt is a natural feeling – at first. Some report feeling like they are cheating and are embarrassed to run into friends with “the other” woman. The fear of what people are thinking about you and this new woman is not unusual. In fact, it’s normal. Over time, these fears typically subside.

It’s OK to talk about a deceased spouse. The issue is not to overdo it. It is not advisable to occupy the entire evening discussing your wife and how happy you were. Talking about the past may send a message to your date that you are not ready to move forward and start a new relationship. Show interest in your date, get to know her.

Don’t assume your date is a therapist. Dating is not a therapy session. Keogh suggests that if you find yourself constantly talking about the pain in your heart spend $60 or $100 an hour for professional help. That will be more useful than spending the same amount on dinner and a movie.

It’s OK to make mistakes – at first. It’s easy to forget some proper etiquette such as opening a car door or walking your date to her door. A widow mentioned to me that on a recent date, the man walked about 20 paces in front of her – and entered the restaurant with her in tow. She found it awkward to say the least.

Take things slow. This is an important piece of advice. Keogh notes that the death of a spouse means losing intimate physical contact. Missing this contact is normal. Often the lack of physical and emotional intimacy drives people to the dating scene.

The desire to want something that has been part of our lives can become a “ticking time bomb” according to Keogh. It can force relationships before we are ready for them. “The result: a lot of broken hearts and emotional baggage.”

Make sure you are dating the person because you genuinely like or love him or her, not because you miss the intimacy of your late spouse.

Make your date feel special. Be interested in your date. Don’t do all of the talking. This is a basic dating rule that is easily forgotten by widows and widowers. Your date should not have to compete with the ghost of your deceased spouse. Remember, listen and be interested – as well as interesting.

Given the growing number of widows and widowers, there are now Internet sites for this population. See www.seniorpeoplemeet.com. Also, www.thirdage.com has a section on Relationships & Love with many useful tips.

M.C., your father is fortunate to have you as a caring daughter. Find the right moment and have the conversation.

Note, it may take some time for your father to “slow down” in the relationship department. Eventually it will happen.

Copyright 2011 Helen Dennis. All rights reserved.

Last week I had the opportunity to participate in the Daily Breeze’s fourth annual Successful Aging Expo. It was a great success.

Health and fitness were strong themes, as were financial, social, residential and educational opportunities. It was great to see nonprofit organizations represented.

My presentation went well, so I thought I would share some highlights with you. The theme was “What’s New About Retirement?”

Here are some relatively new aspects:

Retirement is hard to define. Sociologists don’t agree on the definition. At one time retirement meant that you left your job and no longer earned income. That’s not the case today. At one time age determined retirement status. Again, not the case for most jobs since the mandatory retirement age was eliminated in 1986. Perhaps the most agreed upon sign of retirement is when an individual receives a pension from an employer, the military or the government.

Retirement means more time. That’s true. Increased life expectancy and retiring “on time” or taking early retirement can lead to 20 to 30 years of retirement living. Note, at age 65, on average, a man can expect to live about 17 more years; a woman almost 20.

Retirement means less time. This sounds like a contradiction, yet it is possible. If life expectancy stays the same and people continue to work in their later years, the traditional retirement years may be history. Many boomers

indicate they never will be able to afford retirement and will “die with their boots on.”
Work is part of retirement. Work and retirement are no longer mutually exclusive. A new group has emerged – the working retired. These individuals work to stay engaged and, of equal or more importance, work for income.

Retirement (and aging) is big business. The 50-plus population has been identified as the older-consumer market, worth between $2 trillion and $3 trillion. For example, Rogaine is a $42 million industry; grandparents spend $50 billion a year on their grandchildren. Hearing aids are a $4.6 billion-a- year industry.

Retirement is the new social capital. There is no single definition of “social capital.” In the broadest sense, it includes volunteerism. It’s about social connections and making a difference.

Civic Ventures, a nonprofit think tank in San Francisco that focuses on the 50-plus demographic, has promoted encore careers as a way to use a valuable human resource and provide meaningful roles for older adults. An encore career occurs after one’s primary career; it consists of purpose, passion and a paycheck.

Civic Ventures launched the Purpose Prize that recognizes those age 60 and older who have solved major social problems. The good news is that older adults are being recognized and rewarded as social entrepreneurs – having a significant impact locally and globally.

Learning, creativity and passion are lifelong. According to the late Dr. Gene Cohen, noted geriatrician and psychiatrist, age adds an important dimension to creativity.

Ethel Percy Andrus founded AARP at age 74; Henri Matisse, bedridden with disease, produced brilliantly colored cutouts from his bed; Martha Graham danced until she was 75 and choreographed her last work at 96; and Winston Churchill won the Nobel Peace Prize for literature at 79. According to the late cartoonist Charles Schultz, “Life is a 10-speed bicycle … most of us have gears we never use.”

We have influence over how we age. According to Dr. John Rowe and Robert Kahn, authors of “Successful Aging” (Pantheon Books, 1998), 75 percent of our physical aging is influenced by our lifestyle; only 25 percent is determined by genetics. When it comes to cognitive aging, there is an even split: 50 percent is lifestyle, 50 percent genetics.

The new retirement reflects our increased life expectancy, our knowledge, influence and opportunities to live that next chapter of life as the best chapter.

Copyright 2011 Helen Dennis. All rights reserved.

What’s our problem with just having a good time and playing?

- H.A.

Dear H.A.:

Your question comes at a perfect time. This month is Older Americans Month. The theme is “Never Too Old to Play.”

Let’s start by talking about this special month.

It began with President Kennedy in 1963 when he designated May as Senior Citizens Month during a meeting with the National Council of Senior Citizens. That was when only 17 million had reached their 65th birthday, compared to more than 35 million today.

In 1980, President Carter officially changed the name to Older Americans Month. Since then, it has become an annual tradition.

The month is celebrated as a time to acknowledge the contributions of past and current older people in our country. Each year a different theme is selected, recognizing the value older adults bring to their communities.

So why is there a problem,

(for some) about playing and just having a good time?
Conversations from the book “Project Renewment: The First Retirement Model for Career Women” (Scribner, 2008), which I co-authored with Bernice Bratter, may shed some light.

A retired executive director commented about her attitude toward play: “I can’t remember playing as a child. As the eldest of my siblings, I was engaged in caregiving at a very early age. My parents didn’t put any value on play and I grew up thinking the same. I took my work seriously and did not engage in what appeared to be frivolous activities. I now understand what I missed and need to make up for lost time. I want to learn how to play.”

A retired educator noted, “My parents were immigrants. Work was a way of life in order to make it in America. To waste time was almost sinful. Play was an indulgence that was not acknowledged and never rewarded. My parents did not have time for it. It is still difficult to divorce myself from these childhood values. My sister continues to ask me if I had a productive day, rather than asking if I had any fun.”

Play does not necessarily need to have social value. It is defined as any recreational activity that is not work. It is nonjudgmental, creative and fun.

Scholars and philosophers understood that we reveal our authentic selves when we engage in play. More than 2,000 years ago, Plato suggested, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” Albert Einstein called play “the highest form of research.”

A museum is devoted to play. The Strong National Museum of Play in Rochester, N.Y., focuses on its role in American culture.

Workshops are dedicated to helping adults learn to play as they get in touch with their creative selves. Books have been written on the subject. (Note: Children seem to have little need for such resources.)

If we consider play as an activity that is not work, then our relationships, creativity, physical exercise and contributions to the community all count.

The good news is that such lifelong participation has proven health benefits. Studies show that our interactions with family, friends and neighbors from across the generations enrich the lives of all involved.

We know that one of the joys and benefits of playing and playfulness is laughter. It not only boosts our immune system, but reduces stress and blood pressure, connects us to others and helps us relax.

Here’s a bit of trivia: A publication of the American Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor reports that adults laugh about 15 times daily and children about 400 times.

Let’s celebrate Older Americans Month by playing and laughing – experiencing pure enjoyment with friends, family and our community, while honoring all of our older adults and their role and contributions to our country.

Play is a great balance to our serious, hardworking side.

Copyright 2011 Helen Dennis. All rights reserved.

Successful aging is like world peace. Everyone is for it, but they’re not sure how to make it happen.

However, while most of us can explain what world peace means, that’s not the case with successful aging.

One reason is that “success” is an ambiguous term. Additionally, the shifting meaning of successful aging has paralleled changes in theories about social and psychological aging.

Here are a few examples of those theories:

Disengagement theory: This theory proposes it is considered normal and expected for older adults to gradually withdraw or became disengaged because they are less interested and less capable than they were when younger. For example, with this theory it would be expected for adults to retire, sit in a rocking chair and watch the world go by. Few, if any, subscribe to this approach.

Activity theory: This one suggests that people age most successfully when they participate in daily activities; they keep busy. It has been referred to as the “busy ethic.” Most gerontologists believe this approach is too narrow.

Continuity theory: This theory is supported by specialists in aging. It suggests that people who age most successfully have the habits, lifestyles, preferences and relationships they experienced in midlife. Changes that do occur often occur over time and sometimes aren’t even noticeable.

Until the 1980s, many researchers

defined successful aging as the number of years a person lived. More recent approaches take into account not only length of life, but quality of life.
The meaning of successful aging has moved from what is called a loss model to one that looks at gains, such as becoming empowered, self-actualized and having an enriched life. We now have conferences on Positive Aging, movements on Conscious Aging and a journal on Aging Well.

Can an older adult with limitations be considered to age successfully?

Researchers say yes.

Dependent older adults have reported experiencing intimate times with family members, a revival of their spirit and what they describe as moments of pure aliveness.

What has evolved is a two-tiered approach to successful aging: one for relatively healthy adults and one for the frail.

And yet even attaching health has its problems.

Consider Stephen Hawking, the brilliant 70-year-old physicist who has ALS; and Mother Teresa, who at 81 continued to serve the poor of India in spite of her own physical infirmities.

Some principles have gained acceptance.

The work of Dr. John Rowe and Robert Kahn in their study of 1,000 high-functioning older adults identified three characteristics successful-agers had in common:

– They had a low risk of disease and disabilities. They avoided risk factors such as smoking, lack of activity, obesity, chronic stress and excessive drinking.

– They maintained a high level of physical and mental functioning. This refers to the notion of “use it or lose it.” Strong evidence supports that exercising both body and mind slows the normal aging process.

– They stayed actively engaged with life. This engagement meant establishing and retaining relationships, particularly those that are reciprocal, each giving and taking. It also means being productive by getting involved with activities that have meaning.

What is the message?

We have a great deal of influence over how we age. By following the findings of Rowe and Kahn, we can develop a game plan:

Eliminate risk factors: If you smoke, stop. Lose weight if necessary. Stay active. Be moderate. Eat nutritious foods. Use sunscreen. Manage your stress through exercise, yoga or meditation.

Get physically active: At 88, Helen Hayes said it well: “If you rest, you rust.” Stay mentally engaged — in work, leisure pursuits and family activities. Yes, that means chess, bridge, Sudoku, crossword puzzles, learning a new language, travel or reading the newspaper. Learning anything new creates new neural pathways in the brain.

Engage in happy activities: Get social. Stay connected. Remember, reciprocity is the key. Become engaged in productive behavior – activities that have meaning, both paid and unpaid. Consider continuing to work, volunteering, going to school and having fun with your grandchildren.

On Saturday, we have the opportunity to enhance our own aging by attending the Daily Breeze Expo on Successful Aging at the Torrance Marriott. Find out what’s new by attending some of the seminars and visiting the exhibit hall.

Successful aging is something we strive for. It is positive. It suggests potential, opportunity and well-being. It is achievable. So let’s celebrate and seize the moment for ourselves and share it with family, friends and special loved ones.

Copyright 2011 Helen Dennis. All rights reserved.